In health our teacher was showing us how to use girl condoms and passed around a fake vagina that everyone had to put said girl condom in. It got to a boy and he said “Do I really have to do this, vaginas aren’t really my forte.” and thats basically how he came out.
BEE SEX IS REALLY FUNNY OKAY HEAR ME OUT
BASICALLY THE MALE BEE GOES TO THE QUEEN AND INSERTS ITS PENIS INTO THE QUEEN BEE AND THEN THEY EJACULATE AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED THAT THEIR GENITALS FUCKING EXPLODE AND ARE LEFT IN THE QUEEN FOREVER AND THE MALE BEE FALLS ON THE GROUND AND DIES
dick too bomb
- giving gifts stresses me out
- getting gifts stresses me out
- what a bizarre fucking holiday
- there is a tree in my house
if you ever think a date to a bookstore would be boring there’s this game you can play where you go to the romance novel section and the both of you pick out a book and flip to a random page. and you skim the pages and read the dirtiest part outloud. whoever has the nastiest scene gets a point and you just keep going until you feel like stopping it’s really quite entertaining
oH MY GOD
so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
If you love your children don’t let them get an email address in the fifth grade
Dear Suzanne Collins,
Please write a prequel to your popular series, The Hunger Games. This prequel should involve the first Hunger Games and how the nation crumbled and came to such a low so as to allow a dictator to separate citizens into districts and demand they send their children into an arena and fight to the death.
These are the things I need to know.